RTF WEEK #05 - DESTRESS YOURSELF
- infoinpursuitofhea
- Mar 30, 2024
- 12 min read
Updated: Oct 24, 2024
Stress was defined by Hans Selye in 1936 as "the non-specific response of the body to any demand for change". Stress is your body responding to any type of demand. The demand can be good “eustress” or bad “distress”.
Our bodies react to stress by releasing chemicals into our blood stream giving us more energy and strength. In the cave man days this would help us stay safe by fighting or fleeing in the face of danger. However, in today’s age, there is often no outlet for this extra surge of power and heightened alertness leaving us feeling anxious. This now leaves us with the necessity to learn how to deal with stress and anxiety on a regular basis.
In reality there are only 3 ways to manage stress:
Change the situation (creating the stress)
Change yourself
Adopt some stress busters into your life
CHANGE THE SITUATION
Unfortunately, you cannot always control the situation. You can, however, learn to control your reaction to situations. The best you can do is think about what is causing you the stress?
Feeling stressed while you are shopping? Consider shopping at low-peak times.
Does the television news cause you anxiety? How would you feel not watching the news? I have never really been interested in the news and have discovered any important news actually comes to me through other people.
Are you often stuck in traffic jams? Consider using this down time listening to positive/empowering programs or relaxing music.
Are there certain people that consistently stress you out? Perhaps it’s time to think about setting some boundaries. This will be a future subject in the Roadmap to Freedom program.
Are you feeling a time crunch? Too many things to do, not enough time to do them? Could you make a to-do list and prioritize the list? Juggling a bit of this and a bit of that, could create completing nothing and causing a lot of stress.
When my children were younger, and their father traveled for employment, I hired a house cleaner and someone to cut the lawn or shovel the snow. I also searched out a teenage sitter to occupy my children for a hours on a weekend, leaving me time work through my list efficiently (without disruption from children).
CHANGE YOURSELF
Life really is all about personal growth. There is a reason people become wiser as they age, it's all about learning through life experience.
If you are feeling anxious you might be experiencing:
feelings of insecurity
about relationships
about your future
about your appearance
about your capabilities
sensitivity
tendencies to withdraw
feelings of guilt
depression
obsessive/compulsive
It’s important pay attention to your body and thoughts because they are perfect que’s to what might need changing in your life!
We all experience stress, there is no escape to stressors targeting you. Perhaps the best we can do, when facing anxiety in the moment, is to ask yourself, “Will this really matter in a month, a year, five years?”
Taking a few minutes to think about what is happening can help you put it into perspective. Rate it on a scale from 1 – 10 (1 being low, 10 being high). It might not be a life altering scenario and you can simply surrender and release the situation, moving on with your day.
It usually helps to talk about your problems. Do you have a friend or family member you can confide in? Hopefully that person is not judgmental. It’s important to follow your own intuition and not feel pressured (by the friend or family member) to take action on their thoughts and suggestions. It must resonate with you!
Many people feel alone during stressful times. Feeling you have no one to reach out to can increase the stressful situation. A personal journal (for your eyes only) can help you:
write down the details of the problem you are facing
how you are feeling, both physically and emotionally
how are you reacting, or how did you react in the moment
what did you do?
are you happy with your reaction?
can you think of a better way you could have dealt with it?
maybe you try an alternative reaction next time
it’s all about the willingness to learn better behaviour
Can you see obvious causes of stress in your life? What is the situation? Is this caused by other people? Take a few moments to really look at the situation. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, you do have options.
What is happening? Take a good, honest look at the situation. Was it your actions (possibly previously) that caused this situation? Learn to accept responsibility. Can you take charge of the situation? If not, find a way to let it go.
Is someone causing you stress? You cannot control their actions, you can only control your reaction! Many times we expect other people around us to change specific things we do not like. Fact is, they will only change when, and if, they want to. Focus your energy on changing your reactions and yourself. It really is the only way to heal.
People that freak out, that lose control are likely full of anger. Anger issues are birthed from emotional pain buried deep within. This might help you become a bit more compassionate towards people that seem out of control. They are actually emotional train wrecks.
It can be a good exercise to take inventory of your own coping strategies. Without realizing it, each of us have created our own healing, or unhealthy ways of dealing with stress. For example:
denial
withdrawing
procrastinating
sleeping as an escape
creating a busy schedule (no downtime to think)
eating disorders - binge eating or under eating
zoning out using TV or computer
using over counter or prescription drugs
smoking
excessive alcohol intake
illegal drug use
eventually you will likely have to face these coping tools
Another cause of stress is worry. Are you a worrier? Worrying can be a coping strategy by helping you avoid unpleasant emotions. Did you know your emotions are meant as a signal that you are experiencing something that needs attention?
The “onion effect” might be helpful for you to begin discovering the base issue. In other words, what is actually causing your unrest? Here is the process:
You experience a situation that causes stress
Ask yourself, why is this bothering me?
When you get the answer to that, again ask, why?
Keep drilling down
Continue asking, why, until you finally get to the real reason you are upset
Once you have found the real issue (deep within) you can begin healing
With the real issue at hand ask yourself, “Can I solve this problem?” If you can solve the problem, make a plan. If you cannot solve the problem, try to surrender and release it. Remember, you cannot control anyone, you can only control yourself and your reaction.
“What if” statements can keep you locked in fear mode. How about, turn it around! For instance, you are afraid of someone that seems powerful and scary. because they use anger and aggression to gain control of others.
Try turning the “what ifs” into positive statements, for example, worrying about someone travelling in a snow storm. You might be self talking, “What if they get into a car accident?” Turn it around, “What if, they get home safe!”.
This would be a good time to remind yourself, no matter what happens YOU CAN HANDLE IT! You have handled everything life has thrown at you (thus far) you can continue to do so. In fact, when you actively begin applying new techniques to deal with such circumstances, you can always handle it. Practice makes perfect!
Here are some suggestions that might help in managing your anxiety:
acknowledge the emotions, surrender and release
punch a pillow
listen to music
take deep breaths
remove yourself from situation
quiet time in bathroom/bedroom
go for a walk
go to the gym
go to a favourite place
forest/creek
beach
water is calming
go for a drive and scream (yelling while going over bridge
meditate
listen to hypnosis
read a book
watch a movie, comedy preferred
take a long, hot bath
go to a happy place, using your imagination (forest, waterfall, pond, sun shine, flowers, etc.)
play with your pet(s)
release your inner child and go play with your children
ask yourself, “What can I do about it?”
if the answer is nothing
surrender and release
let go, give it up
force a smile into a mirror
create an intention to be happy
I want to be happy, I intend to be happy, I am happy
repeat 3 times
create and repeat positive affirmations
Some say, when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. I personally believe there is a silver lining in every cloud, but, you might have to search for it. In fact, it might take time for that silver lining to appear, possibly years!
Gratitude is a powerful tool you can use here. Whatever you are grateful for will amplify in your life to create more of that. Again, turn it around. When faced with a challenge in life (often creating stress), try accepting the situation as a life lesson.
For instance, in the year 2003, my life was in turmoil for many reasons. While driving on a highway in search of a new home to rent, my van went out of control. It was actually a horrific accident causing my van to roll several times down a hill. When the vehicle finally landed on all four wheels, all windows were blown out, the engine was smoking and the only door willing to open happened to be the drivers door. Although I had a serious spinal injury, adrenaline was running through my veins allowing me to climb the hill, back onto the highway, in search for help. As I was climbing the hill, myself talk was similar to, “I do not know why this is happening in my life but I accept the challenge. I know everything (in life) happens for a reason”. As it turned out, my 12th vertebrae was crushed which took me on a journey of healing. I still remember the doctor at the hospital advising me of the spinal injury saying, “Fifty percent of the people with this injury end up in a wheelchair the rest of their life, the other 50% walk away. Congratulations, you have your legs!” My gratitude at that moment rose to 1,000% for the blessings of living through that experience with the best possible outcome.
Learn to be grateful:
accept the stressor as a lesson in life
you don’t have to like it
just acknowledge it and accept the challenge
realize it is an opportunity for personal growth
what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger
you are stronger than you think you are
you can carry on long after you think you can’t
if you think you can, you can
if you think you can’t, you can’t
believe determination is powerful
learn to forgive, you don't have to forget
make up your mind to learn the lesson and move forward
it is just a hurdle to a better life
STRESS BUSTERS
Battling stress is a lifelong tool. The more you practice, the better you get. Here are some suggestions that might resonate with you:
Adopt everyday strategies to help you enjoy life
Pay attention to your surroundings
stop and the roses
listen to the sounds (eg. birds, dogs barking, children playing/laughing, etc.)
notice blue sky
look for shapes in clouds
appreciate nature (eg. flowers, trees, lakes, etc.)
watch people (eg. happy, sad, in love, etc.)
enjoy sun and wind on face
Stuck in traffic?
listen to music/radio
always have positive CDs on hand
look around at landscape (if stopped in traffic)
use breathing exercises
enjoy the silence and interlude
massage hands (if stopped in traffic)
stretch your shoulder and neck muscles (if stopped in traffic)
be thankful, you may be held up to avoid an accident
Stuck in long line at store?
enjoy the break
give yourself permission for the break
being late for something is not the end of the world
think happy thoughts
become a people watcher
strike a conversation with someone around you (they might enjoy)
give a compliment, or say a kind word, to the store cashier (probably stressed)
Plan to enjoy the wait at the doctor/dentist
take a book to read
take MP3 player to listen
use relaxation techniques in waiting room
Learn about aromatherapy
use scents around your home
Plan a long, hot, quiet bath to destress
use aromatherapy in bath
use epsom salts to relax muscles
light candles
turn off light
Research meanings of colours
what are your favourite colours
your surroundings are important
repaint your home
make it pleasing to sit and relax in
create calm energy in your home
place pleasant things around your home
happy memories (eg. pictures, flowers, etc.)
motivational quotes
affirmations
Learn to adapt to change
ask yourself, “Is it time for a change?”
the only constant in life is change
be open to, and seek new knowledge
if you can change your mind, you can change your life
Take time everyday for yourself, take care of you
walk, bike, etc.
listen to motivational messages MP3
listen to hypnosis
get creative
even if just 5 minutes a day
Learn to deep breath
deep breathing can help during, and after, the stress
it's natural to hold our breath when stressed
this locks in the tension
most of us do not breath correctly
we tend to use only our upper lungs
How do you breathe?
place one hand on your chest
the other hand on your belly
take a deep breath
inhale and exhale
both hands should move up and down
Breathe using your diaphragm
use your abdomen also
again, one hand on chest and other on belly
exhale fully, get all air out
inhale through nose
fill bottom of lungs 1st
hand on belly should rise
continue breathing filling top of lungs hand on chest should rise
hold for count of 5
exhale slowly through mouth
concentrate on releasing the stress on the out breath
feel your body relax
clear your lungs completely of air
repeat this process up to 10 times
if at any time you feel distress in your body STOP
continue only on advise of doctor
Learn to stretch your body out
It is suggested to consult with doctor before this process, especially if you have a previous injury.
What parts of body feel tight or painful? It is often the neck and shoulders area, where we hold our stress (not always). You can try the following suggestions:
sit in chair
lean your head forward
feel it stretch
keep stretching softly and slowly
sit up again
roll shoulders
lean forward at waist
allow body to hang between legs
keep stretching softly and slowly
sit on floor
stretch out your legs
keep stretching softly and slowly
Learn relaxation strategies
What helps you relax naturally? We are not talking about false strategies such as using drugs or alcohol. What about:
take a hot bath
turn lights off, light a candle
helps release stress
epsom salts can help relax your body
drink lots water to rehydrate
refrain from television near bedtime
reading is better
listen to relaxation music
meditating
hypnosis tapes
visualize your dreams, wishes and intentions while falling asleep
learn yoga or something similar
find a massage therapist
Adopt a healthly lifestyle
Take into consideration your mind, body and soul when you think of a healthy lifestyle.
regular physical exercise
walking
running
biking
swimming
playing with children
go to the gym
reduce caffeine and sugar intake
be aware of your caffeine
gently replace with herbal teas
be aware of sugar intake
replace juice with water
be aware of the hidden sugar in food products
get enough sleep
eat healthy
be ware, alcohol, cigarettes and drugs only mask the issues at hand
these actually create a whole new level of problems with addiction
Use your imagination and research when looking for alternatives. Review your Dream Life story and ask yourself, “what changes do you want in your life?” Make a to-do list of what might be necessary to make changes in your life. Once you have the list, rewrite the list in priority sequence. This can go a long way to help relieve stress by creating a plan for change.
The only thing guaranteed in life is change. Those that flow with change seem to be the happiest and most successful in their life. Success does not necessarily mean an abundance of material objects or great career. It’s about loving life and loving yourself. I truly believe, "Love is the answer. Now, what is the question?"
Want to dive deeper into preparing yourself for dealing with anxiety? Here are some suggestions:
Think about your daily life and list some common, everyday occurrences causing you stress. Write down some options for the making these situations less stressful.
Write down some of your past reactions, or habits you have created, as a way of coping with stress. Are these healthy reactions? If not, can you think about some alternative ways of coping?
Consider creating a private stress journal or incorporate your stressful situations into your current journal (if you have one).
Write a list of possible coping strategies you can adopt to help you deal with stress. This webcast has given you a list of possibilities, use them or create new ones.
Review your list of possible coping strategies and give some thought on how you can apply these into your life. It takes dedication, time and effort to change yourself and your reactions to stress. You have to want to change. Any absence of desire will cause you to lose interest in making any permanent changes in your life. This is your life, no one can do it for you. Keep up the great work and in the end you will be so proud of yourself.
Up next... WEEK #06 - ASSERT YOURSELF
Feel free to review previous WEEKS of ROADMAP TO FREEDOM posts:
Friendly reminder… continue with your Daily Affirmations
Experiencing a bad day?
Review your Dream Life Story. It can fill you up with much needed faith, hope and determination. Above all else, never, every, give up…tomorrow is new day that can bring you new possibilities.
The Roadmap to Freedom personal growth series is a unique, one-of-a-kind program created by Ali Shilo. All rights reserved. Copyright 2024
Questions?
Contact Ali … info.inpursuitofhealing@gmail.com
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